Is it the end?
Hello everyone,
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, living together for three in a one bedroom apartment. Im in my late twenties, he is in his thirties.
When we began our relationship we had a common goal; to save enough money and move to Europe. This was, I found out 2 years later, not really what he wanted, so over time the project that we had shared was ended. In its place we (generaly at my prompting) began to look into another shared project (saving to buy some property together), but there were always buts and ifs. When I asked him about having a family together sometime in the future, his reply was maybe, we will see (when we started dating he had said he wanted one allthough neither of us wanted to get married in our lives).
I then asked what he aspired to with his life, and made up a list of a whole lot of things that I would like to do as a mode of example. He has aparently been working on that answer for more than two months.
This was/is a big issue in our relationship that has had me doubting it for a while now and which we have had quite a few arguments over.
Another issue I have with him is that he tends to victimize himself and make me the bad guy in every discussion/problem we have. This is ilustrated in the most recent events which have motivated this post.
Half of his family lives out of town, including his mother, and half here.
A couple of weeks ago on a Monday he aproached me and asked me if his mother could stay with us on Thursday and Friday. I was in the middle of studying for a big exam that week and work from home, so, given that we have a one bedroom apartment I said it was not a good time. He got angry and said I always say no to everything...etc. and after bickering for half an hour decided to clarify that his mother was comming in two weeks time (was I supposed to guess?) but that he was going to get a hotel for her anyway because I always say no. I dropped the argument and continued with my work.
A few days later when we were both amicable again I brought up the subject to look for alternatives (I have relatives with extra space and one was away on a trip so there would be a vacant apartment) but he wouldnt accept them and stuck to the "you are always x y z".
A week passed and he was giving me the cold shoulder but I decided not to take heed to it and carried on my resposibilities without reciprocating anger. Finally on Friday half an hour before I went to class he brought up the subject again and we spoke of the posibility of taking a few days away from each other to asses what we wanted from the relationship and each other.
In the evening I came home to a note that said that he had left and didnt know when he would return. I was hurt and angry at how he handled it because we had not resolved the details of our "days apart" and I felt it should have been discussed more.
Over the following week we finally spoke on the phone and agreed to meet tomorrow evening to talk. I am very confused by this whole situation and dont know if I want to continue the relationship, due to the big picture reasons, and what I percieve to be imature behavior every time we have a conflict... Any insights?? Sorry for the length!
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, living together for three in a one bedroom apartment. Im in my late twenties, he is in his thirties.
When we began our relationship we had a common goal; to save enough money and move to Europe. This was, I found out 2 years later, not really what he wanted, so over time the project that we had shared was ended. In its place we (generaly at my prompting) began to look into another shared project (saving to buy some property together), but there were always buts and ifs. When I asked him about having a family together sometime in the future, his reply was maybe, we will see (when we started dating he had said he wanted one allthough neither of us wanted to get married in our lives).
I then asked what he aspired to with his life, and made up a list of a whole lot of things that I would like to do as a mode of example. He has aparently been working on that answer for more than two months.
This was/is a big issue in our relationship that has had me doubting it for a while now and which we have had quite a few arguments over.
Another issue I have with him is that he tends to victimize himself and make me the bad guy in every discussion/problem we have. This is ilustrated in the most recent events which have motivated this post.
Half of his family lives out of town, including his mother, and half here.
A couple of weeks ago on a Monday he aproached me and asked me if his mother could stay with us on Thursday and Friday. I was in the middle of studying for a big exam that week and work from home, so, given that we have a one bedroom apartment I said it was not a good time. He got angry and said I always say no to everything...etc. and after bickering for half an hour decided to clarify that his mother was comming in two weeks time (was I supposed to guess?) but that he was going to get a hotel for her anyway because I always say no. I dropped the argument and continued with my work.
A few days later when we were both amicable again I brought up the subject to look for alternatives (I have relatives with extra space and one was away on a trip so there would be a vacant apartment) but he wouldnt accept them and stuck to the "you are always x y z".
A week passed and he was giving me the cold shoulder but I decided not to take heed to it and carried on my resposibilities without reciprocating anger. Finally on Friday half an hour before I went to class he brought up the subject again and we spoke of the posibility of taking a few days away from each other to asses what we wanted from the relationship and each other.
In the evening I came home to a note that said that he had left and didnt know when he would return. I was hurt and angry at how he handled it because we had not resolved the details of our "days apart" and I felt it should have been discussed more.
Over the following week we finally spoke on the phone and agreed to meet tomorrow evening to talk. I am very confused by this whole situation and dont know if I want to continue the relationship, due to the big picture reasons, and what I percieve to be imature behavior every time we have a conflict... Any insights?? Sorry for the length!
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